Normalizing the Conversation: Athletes and Transitioning Out

Lately in the news, I have seen more and more people come forward about their struggles once stopping their sport, whether that be graduating, injured, or just lost that passion. This topic personally resonates with me and I feel as though it should be a more talked about topic within our society.

There are many different aspects that change about a person both physically and mentally when stopping their sport. No matter football or rowing, man or woman, most athletes can relate to how hard it is to stop what they’ve known for their entire life.

As sports are continuing to reappear with more and more getting vaccinated, it’s an exciting time to be in sports (especially in Tampa Bay!). But in all seriousness, it’s been so difficult for those wanting to compete and being told no, there’s a global pandemic, you can’t do anything.

All student-athletes know is dedication-an aspect that runs their life and allows them to reach their goals. Without this, an athlete wouldn’t be an athlete. In this way, being organized and maintaining a schedule on all levels is critical once climbing the ranks whether it be collegiately or professionally.

In my case, I spent about fourteen years competitively swimming. I played every sport you can think of, but eventually narrowed it down to swimming since I enjoyed it the most while I thrived in the water. No one can tell you how life might be after stopping your sport in any way. There’s no book that gives that structure and organization to athletes on what to do or how to train after they are literally done training for anything.

So many factors can play into the struggle of losing that identity. This can be mental and physical changes, loss of structure, and even a loss of self-identity. In most cases, those invested in their collegiate sports for those four to five years only know their passion to be that sport and grinding everyday to be better. Other than that, there aren't enough hours in the day for these athletes to find what truly brings them joy and passion outside of that work.

In all honesty, I was completely lost after quitting swimming. I think walking away from the sport was the hardest thing I have had to do outside of my knee surgeries. I spent months and almost four hours everyday in physical therapy on top of those sleepless nights when it was throbbing. I wasn’t sure who I was without the sport and that scared me more than anything.

No one prepared me for the day I would make that decision to walk away. I never knew how to be a normal student without carrying the responsibilities of keeping up with my hours in the weight room, the water, and in the trainers. I had too much time on my hands that I had no idea what to do with it.

If I’m being brutally honest, I was thankful to have those few months off. It’s really difficult to physically and emotionally pull yourself together surrounded by 13,000 other students just trying to drink every weekend and get by in their classes. It’s an overwhelming scenario when you can never truly get some alone time to focus on yourself. I knew swimming was quickly coming to an end for me, so I really needed those few months to get my shit together and figure out what I really wanted to do once I could get up and walk again.

I didn’t necessarily enjoy going to the gym after giving it up either. Imagine going from an environment where you’re lifting weights with your teammates cheering you on and a lifting coach that pushes you. That push of being in that room three days a week at the crack of dawn is a lot different than being alone on a treadmill at your local gym. The switch in those two environments is EXTREMELY different-I felt like it was impossible to stay focused at the gym or do any sort of physical activity besides walking. I feel like this is most definitely something that most retired athletes can struggle with-that being, learning to push yourself when you have no one else to do it for you.

With that being said, our bodies quite literally change. I remember I would always build up on protein before competing and I would be extremely mindful before hitting the gym the night before. Quite literally, it’s so important to give your body the nutrients it needs in order to meet those goals, whether it be winning a championship or placing first in an event. So in this case, imagine completely stopping your training and nutritional pattern. It’s almost as if your body backlashes at you and just starts changing. This was a major adjustment for me, but again, I am so thankful for those few months I got to learn and grow without really having anyone tell me what my body and mind needed.

With the breakdown of physical change, it’s important to note that mental health can change a lot too. I find whenever I exert my energy after a long day of classes or sitting at my computer, I feel so much better (even if I get up not wanting to workout). With that being said, without having your friends from college around or that structure every athlete needs, mental health can decline. In my case, and with full truth, my mental health deteriorated fast.

I never usually share my mental health struggle with anyone, but I figured by sharing my experiences and what I’ve learned can really help those looking for answers. Once I got my first knee surgery, I was completely devastated. I had a lot of other things going on in my life at the time as well, so without being surrounded by my teammates and putting in the work they all expected of me coming in, it really hurt me. I was forced to watch on the sidelines while I spent all of my time in physical therapy (where I basically flat lined for three months, still in knee pain). I eventually got my second surgery a few months later, but knew it could never be back to 100%. I then decided to leave my university-I probably cried for a week straight. Looking back, I’m glad I made the difficult decision to leave. Yes, I miss my friends and my old teammates, but I had to do what was best for myself from an educational standpoint and mentally. If I was going to leave swimming behind, I think it was best that I fully walk away rather than watch from a distance in hurt for the next three years.

I took those few months in quarantine to really prepare myself physically, mentally, and emotionally for what I was getting into. I was going to school a whole flight away without anyone I knew and I wasn’t going to be swimming. Admittingly, I didn’t even feel successful during this time, you know, of finding who I was without swimming. I think I only really found peace with my decisions and my life recently. I had such a mental and physical battle with myself and the sport-but thankfully, I was given that time and space to find out what made me happy.

To the athletes that spend all of their collegiate years invested in their sport, I feel for those who haven’t been given that opportunity to find time outside of practice or competing to find a separate identity for themselves. I feel for those retired athletes that have absolutely no clue what they’re going to do without their sport. It’s a conversation that is slowly becoming more normalized, but I’m more than happy that it's finally coming to the surface and it’s a topic I feel so passionately about.

For now, I’ve found those passions outside of the water. Being my education, my friends, and pursuing whatever makes me happiest. I’m thankful that sports gave me a sense of drive and productivity while my parents taught me how to be my own person. By the end of my junior year, I’m convinced I will have to change the font of my resume to a size 2 in Times New Roman-I’ve used a lot of my time to focus on my future career. I’ve used that drive to meet my goals in sports, yes, but not competing in it, but working in a field I love dearly within the industry. Everyday, I find myself waking up in the morning to go for a run or hit the gym, (which by the way, you would never catch me doing a year ago or even during time off from sports).

With all of that being said, I want to be a part of that conversation. I want to help those athletes that are struggling to find themselves whether it's in college or after retiring from a year in the leagues. We never got that time in our days to find out what makes us happy in our lifetime-I wish I could say there are more hours in the day, but there aren’t. It’s important that retired athletes or those who were forced to walk away continue to normalize that it’s okay to struggle with yourself once you leave. It’s such a hard thing to grasp, but I’m thankful enough that I found peace and happiness with it. I’m looking forward to the honest conversation that those in the community can have about this sort of thing. We grow up with all of these goals, but we are never taught about endings-they’re sad, but figuring out what something that comes to an end can mean for us as individual people. That’s why normalizing this is so important, to make sure that those who put effort for their team can support themselves individually and find different goals and drives.